Thursday, February 24, 2011

What a Hateful Life

No matter what I try, nothing I do will ever be good enough in any way. I try, I fail. I walk, I fall.
No matter how I embrace, nothing falls into my arms. I reach, I open, I grab, I slip.
For the days that follow, my sigh escapes like a breath of fire burning from hell.
For myself, I take no regard, until my legs come across and trip.
Perhaps my eyes should've opened more, that way to shield me from the upcoming winds
That way to help me avoid the wrath of the rains, the tremble of earth, the blaze of fire.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

My most cherished feelings.. my best memory.

I've never had many friends that meant anything to me. None to make me feel moved. None to make me feel pure joy and fulfillment in my heart. Nothing could move me. I was like a robot.
But many years ago, I changed.

I met my best friend. The best person I've ever met, ever known. And the only one I ever loved at all.

Almost everyday, I met him at school. His cheerful, athletic, and funny attitude gave me joy. His optimism, hopeful dreams for the future gave me hope. His lack of memory and irresponsibility made me furious, but yet kept me attached. Everything he ever did was to make me happy. Overtime, his personality, his endless optimism pierced through my rock heart.
If anyone ever gave me something more valuable than anything else, it was HIM. My best times were with him.

No matter what I did or said, he never walked away. I never wanted to let him go. I wanted us to stay this way... forever and ever.

But the tides changed the day he said he would be leaving after the spring semester. Disappointment, and shock and sadness nearly broke me down. Perhaps my feelings weren't pure enough, but that did not mean I never fell for him.

I tried to hang out with him again after finding out where he was working and that he was dating my teacher. But he went away again, and I lost him... again. Then, he left for a new life. My only request was to see him one last time before he set off, and he never fulfilled that wish. I let him walk away without asking for a souvenir. The years went by, I believed we wouldn't ever meet again... until I walked into him and his wife.

Before starting high school, I ran into him again. I never believed it would happen at any time, but it did. This time, I couldn't sense anything around him. And that was when I knew my love for him was over, my happiest time was past. And the future was reality. And though we bumped randomly again and again and again, I could only think of him as a friend.

No one has ever been as close to my heart as he had, and I believe no one ever will. Even if he has been dethroned, his place in my heart will be most special.

To the friend who will never see this.